In the process of recovery we have a past of destruction that haunts us. There is the ever present past that we beat ourselves up over while missing the present moment. Recovery is about letting ourselves see the moment. Early in recovery our past lives ‘Rent Free’ in our thoughts.
Wednesday January 31, 2018
Remember that Gambling took our money without care and now it wants more. Remember past mistakes but focus on the moment of clean time you are in. Fight the ‘Rent Free’ thoughts about the past.
Thursday Febuary 1, 2018
Recovery is about changing the mind and letting go of the ‘rent free’ addiction failures controlling our potential. Remember that today is not yesterday’s failures.
Sometimes the ;loudest voice is the one not speaking and the quietest one is talking. Recovery is learning new ways of life. We can’t travel the same road because it is filled with potholes but then when we change awareness is important. We don’t know where the potholes are and thus need to be more observant.
Monday January 29, 2018
We were doing our own thing when we were in our addiction and no one could tell us to change it. We only heard our own voice. Consider listening to what we were missing when we were in our addiction. It might be enlightening!
Tuesday January 30, 2018
Listening in recovery teaches us what to say when we are talking. Recovery is a new world after being in our addiction so our voice is louder when it is silently listening!
It sometimes gets out of sight but it never really goes away. We forget the value but it doesn’t change that it is valuable. Recovery is always there even when we think it isn’t possible or available.
Friday January 26, 2018
If your goal is recovery then it is never a bother to reach out. Reaching out is a recovery path that builds your time up.
Saturday January 27, 2018
Recovery is community! If you stick with the community they will be there when needed for support.
Sunday January 28, 2018
Recovery is a moment lived with focus.
Available for those seeking help with recovery from Compulsive gambling are several things. As a part of My reaching out and offering help here are some things to consider.
I have a group on Facebook where you can get material to help with recovery and also become a part of community.
That said I hold meetings using an app called zoom which allows people to be a part of a world wide meeting virtually. They are held on Tuesdays at 2 Pm and 8 Pm EST, Wednesdays at 8 PM EST and Thursdays at 2 PM EST. I will post in the group when the meetings are happening and then take the post down when it ends.
Further material is available at my website as well as an opportunity to be a part of keeping the services available. I have created a page for contributions withing the site where you can find out the why of such requests.
Recovery is one moment added to the next one. Recovery is knowing you are not alone. Recovery is looking in the mirror and saying I can see the recovery me. The pictures above show several things. Consider what you see and ask yourself what they mean to you.
Wednesday January 24, 2018
Much like the car in the glass picture above our recover is visible only if we look for it in the moment we are in. Stay focused on the goal and it will be achieved in the moment you are in.
Thursday January 25, 2018
When you are struggling remember to reach out to others. Relay your struggle and it will be carried with the help of others. Don’t try and do it alone.
I woke up today knowing that I would not be gambling in the moment but that it would all begin again if I did it alone. Remember that you are not alone and that each moment matters.
Monday January 22, 2018
Today is the only today I have. Remember that we are fighting together for each moment. If temptation begins to call then make a call, text or meeting your priority instead!
Tuesday January 23, 2018
Recovery is one moment at a time but when added to the moment of others is is more that it was alone. You are never alone.
Hello. Many of you know me but some don’t so I wanted to share a more detailed report of my journey. I may not include all the dates but I will include as much information as I can without getting too lengthy.
I grew up on a farm not to far from what is now known as Soaring Eagle Casino. I was not attracted to casinos because to me they were represented by a pole barn. The reason I say that is because growing up that is what Soaring Eagle was. It wasn’t until much later that it became the place it is now. I found myself being a bit of a loner when I was really young but that only goes to the way I felt. It wasn’t until High School in the fall of 1979 that I was introduced to what would become my chosen form of gambling (Scratch off tickets). Back then is was one now and then with friends from school. I went to a Christian High school a half hour away from where I lived so the first 2 years I lived with a family in another town during the week. But most of this has little to do with the active part of my addiction. I was however exposed to functional alcoholism during this time.
When I started driving I started smoking and on occasion buying scratch offs. The smoking became a problem when I was diagnosed with allergies and lost interest due to how it was affecting my breathing but the gambling was still just a ‘once in a while’ activity.
While in college I met and married my first wife. It was at this time that I saw my first look at what a compulsive gambler looked like. My mother in law had a room filled with losing tickets of every sort and was always getting them. I swore at that moment that I would never be like that. She was a nice person most of the time but the things I saw with her gambling was not very pleasant.
Over the years I would begin to gravitate toward doing exactly what I said I would never do. My marriage became a stress point for me. We had 2 sons and I was still getting my degree several years into the marriage. We argued more and more as I went from low paying job to low paying job. By the time 2000 rolled around I had had a good job with the state but it was not enough because we were both driving insane distances for work. I left there due to failing a training process to try and get closer to home and returned to lower paying jobs. Tried to start a business or two and failed to ‘make enough’. This led me to wanting to stay away from home more. With me working at convienience store and as a direct care worker I was able to do that but needed to ‘kill time’ to avoid her. My addiction became worse and gave me a way to stay away during times we were both awake and home more. I’d get home after she had gone to sleep and she would be off to work by the time I woke up. Gambling had become an escape from the problem.
In 2007 my world began to come apart! My mom died and later I would almost lose my job as a result of someone stealing from my till. That resulted in a big argument and fighting to get my job back. Then would come my suicidal feelings (they had always been under the surface but this brought them out in spades). I ended up spending time in an adult psychiatric hospital for 10 days which gave my then wife time to discover just how bad my gambling had become. This led to more fights and after several years of arguing came the separation. Then came divorce and the realization that all these years I had actually had Asthma and Sleep Apnea. Ultimately the divorce made recovery better for me and in 2013 I remarried a wonderful woman who has been my rock.
Back to 2007, November 21, 2007 to be exact. I went to my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting that night and after it bought what would be my last scratch off ticket. That action sent me into tears as I realized I had a problem. It was $1 but it was after hearing stories of people who went to prison and experienced loosing everything. How could I buy a ticket after that? Since that time I have focused on using my background to help others who are in recovery. It took some time to get my feet under me and deal with my addiction but once that began I was writing and even speaking about the addiction. That is how I got to where I am today and doing what I do today.
My background is as a Bachelors Level Social Worker with the following added pieces:
- I started out studying to be a Lutheran Minister Focused on knowing my faith.
- Studied informally as well as formally world religions.
- Studied to be a teacher for a short time.
- Studied Psychology (which became my minor)
- As i started recovery I studied everything I could to understand addiction and combined what I learned with every experience and educational aspect of my life.
That said I am disabled because of health issues today but still push forward with writing and creating materials. My first 3 years of recovery were my hardest as I continued to sell my addiction to others while figuring out how to stay clean in this environment.
Today I am here to offer my help to others and hope that I can continue to do this.
I encourage questions and I’ll answer them as best I can.