Step 3: MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF THIS POWER OF OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.
When I began going to Meetings I was not necessarily ready to even acknowledge the problem but over time I realized that I was not alone in the struggle. The relapse after that first meeting made me be more accepting and soon I realized that I had to surrender. Meetings have made me more open to surrendering to my higher power and to the group.
Being in recovery and attending meetings has really helped me grow. My admission to being a Compulsive Gambler represents my willingness to be more honest with myself which is the first step to repairing the damage. Honesty with myself creates a path to trusting myself again.
Before the meetings I had excuses for everything and could justify every bet. I was able to say that others were the problem because I didn’t gamble as much as they did. I would talk about my winnings but not acknowledge the losses. I would say that I needed to unwind and it wasn’t that bad while avoiding the arguments and real issues.
My independence when gambling was based on:
- Blaming others for the problem
- Justifying my actions because I earned the time and others didn’t consult me on what they did to relax.
- It was a ‘tit for tat’ life when I was gambling.
Now these expressions of independence remind me of how dependent I had become on my gambling.
I’ve discovered that surrendering has given me more freedom. I have learned to trust myself and others more in recovery than I did in my addiction. Keeping in touch with others who are in recovery has helped because I can learn from their experiences and they can learn from mine. The more meetings I go to the more I realize how interdependent we are. Those in recovery build a family of understanding that allows marriages and other relationships to heal. Being involved in the groups also helps rebuild confidence because giving to the group creates accomplishments that show our commitment.
Since going to meetings I have taken my education,skills and experiences to heart. They are focused now on creating material to help others rather than the self gain that was the goal before.
My first meeting was November 21, 2007 and since then I have stopped gambling. It doesn’t mean I have not been tempted but rather that I’ve found a new way of living.
I take better care of myself now realizing that I’m worth it. I have become a better person in recovery and can see it through my caring for others more.
I look forward to growing into a better person ‘one moment at a time’ because it makes a difference in all aspects of my life.
My goals are continually growing with an understanding that it isn’t what I’ve done or what I will do that matters as much as what I AM DOING. This has made me a happier and more independent person without being destructive.
The circumstance I am in holds my interest and keeps me grounded. This also makes me realize that boredom is not an excuse to go back to old habits.
What is your thought on this step?