I started with Step 1 and now I will write about Step 2 just as I did with Step 1. Each moment matters.
Step 2: CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES COULD RESTORE US TO A NORMAL WAY OF THINKING AND LIVING.
Proceeding with recovery is difficult without some form of higher power. For me the higher power is God but God uses those around us so for others it may well be different.
When I started recovery I seemed to be so afraid of failure that I gave up trying. Gambling was my one success as I felt better when I ‘felt’ detached. Recovery has taught me that success is not gained without failure. I work my recovery in each moment and recognize that my first meeting was a success followed by immediate relapse. Without that last relapse I might have believed that failure was all there was. Now I measure success in moments rather than long term goals. I cant give up if I just had success because each moment of success builds upon the last one.
I worked in a convienience store for 3 years after I started my recovery. As a result I was selling my addiction to others. It was uncomfortable doing that but it proved to be beneficial for me. I learned to fight temptation and also find new ways of thinking. While it worked for me I would not suggest it for others. It was 3 years of pure torment. In the end I learned some things and it led to me writing books, talking about it and being open about the problem I have.
“Easy Does It” for me is remembering that I need to be willing to understand that getting ahead of myself could lead to disaster. I am reminded to take each step with awareness and not run through things so fast that I miss something and stumble back into old patterns.
The changes in life since starting recovery include:
- Family deaths and addiction issues.
- Writing and speaking on Recovery.
- Disability (health issues)
- Growing to love recovery and the family I have found in it.
While these are only a few changes, they are the first ones to come to mind. Without recovery I would not have been there for my son when he was starting recovery. It has truly changed both my life and the path I am traveling.
I make judgments quickly about recovery now that before would have been seen differently. It is no longer “Just Stop” because I have gained understanding of how that is not possible alone.
I make judgments on gut feelings when I’m struggling with recovery but quickly remember the facts and get back on track. There are some ‘gut feelings’ I act on because it has to do with where I’ve been in addiction. In those cases it is usually when I see someone traveling a road I’ve been down.
In my addiction arguing was only to win and prove my point of view right. This often led to trouble. Through recovery I have learned that I can argue my point but I don’t have to win others over or be right all the time. I can listen to others better.
I’ve spoke up at times without processing things which often leads to arguments and occasionally had been very catastrophic. It can push people away from recovery, relationships are lost and in some cases the consequences have been so very bad. I try to avoid doing this as much as possible now as I remember when I’ve been on the receiving end of these moments.
Early on in meetings I learned that listening can be the best therapy. When I voice my views I sometime miss the point. It has been more and more important as time has passed from that last bet.
Being open-minded has helped me realize that it is important to be part of the group rather than the person who is the key to the group.
As I said in the beginning, my higher power is God but it is also the power of unity with others who are fighting addiction. It is my prayer that allowing the belief in a higher power will allow others to see a better way forward.
What are your thoughts?