Well it has been 9 years 6 months and 12 days, Approximately 3422 days or 4,927,680 Minutes since I last gambled. I’ve written about the steps, worked them, discussed them and lived them. Now I am writing it out through the process.
Step 1: WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER GAMBLING -THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE.
I first discovered I had a problem when someone else’s theft from my till almost cost me my job. I fought to keep my job and then spent time in the hospital because I was going through suicidal depression. It all worked out as I kept my job and then slipped back into old habits. The end for me was going to a meeting, passing the ‘test’ and then buying a lottery ticket. At that point I not only knew I had a problem but that I couldn’t control it alone. I needed help.
An example of an instance that proved I could no longer gamble normally is that very experience after that first meeting.
Over the years acceptance of ‘powerless’ has grown because of the meetings. I am reminded each week of what brought me destruction and despair. I also have become more aware of why it is important for me to share my experience through my writings.
It does me no good to look for answers to the why and what causes me to gamble. I have come to realize that I could simply create any excuse to go. The causes are all around me and facing them head on provides more relief than escaping them.
No matter how much I believe I can resist of my own will power, I inevitably find that like eating it will happen if I don’t work with others and let go of the idea I can do it on my own. I’ve also discovered that if I don’t watch out I will fall into a new addiction.
“Keep it simple” simply means don’t get ahead of yourself or make it so complicated that it is easier to go back to old habits. As long as it has been I stay focused on the moment I am in.
I attend meetings because I know they are part of my network and the people are like family. I stopped going for someone else after that first meeting when I heard what others had experienced and then went and spent money anyway. If I go for anyone else it will be a chore so by going for my own well being I have made it a joy to go.
Each meeting is a reminder of what Gambling did to me and how much better life can be. At meetings I learn to see my addiction as a disease and not who I am.
Going regularly has become a source of comfort and relief because I know I am not alone in this struggle.
Listening to others at meetings helps me see myself more clearly. It is often like looking into a mirror and seeing what was , what is and what can be.
What are your thoughts?